#11 fixing a flawed faux finish

ByLukas
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when the cracks in my faux finish
finally appear
my mind screams out
you’re coming too near

yet i resist the need to hide
lean in to the fear
let the cracks grow wide
because after all these years
slowly steadily submerged under layers of snow
frozen frightened i don’t know where else to go

i feel i’m sliding back into my head
but you don’t let me
instead
you keep me here
make even more light appear
look at the fear
until the icy flawed frozen faux finish finally fully melts away
into a trembling torrent of tears

and through the sobs
subtle shining light teardrops
mix mingle mend my mind
my heart my soul a warmth so kind

you guide my gaze and through the tears
in my eyes a rainbow appears
eclipsing the fear
making it clear
that when I dare to feel complete
allow your heart and mine to meet

i finally remember
that I’m enough
i’ve always been

and at last
i can be seen

Lukas Van Vyve

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    #143 Tipping the scale

    ByLukas

    A voice in my head says I can’t write every day?

    I’ll write 2 sentences every day, just to prove to that voice that I, in fact, CAN write every day.

    A voice in my head says I don’t have the perseverance to train for (and then finish) a marathon?

    I’ll do something small to prepare for the marathon every day, so at the end of each day, I can say to myself “The proof is there, today was another day of me persevering and preparing for a marathon.”

    You can’t brute-force your way out of an “I can’t do this” belief. You can only take small actions that start proving the contrary.

    Slowly but surely, you chip away at the credibility of the naysayer voice, until the scale starts tipping over, and an encouraging voice emerges.

    Tiny trust builders.

  • |

    #217 Inaction is not the lack of action

    ByLukas

    If I don’t write the post I intended to write, I actively avoid the desired result of my writing.

    If I don’t do the workout I intended to do, I actively avoid the desired result of my workout (being in better shape, running a new PR,…)

    If I don’t have the difficult conversation I intended to have, I actively avoid the desired result of that conversation.

    Inaction is not the lack of action.

    Inaction is taking active action to avoid working towards the result you desire.

    The real question, then, is:

    Why do I actively avoid working toward a desired result?

    Am I worried that even if I write daily, I’ll never become a skilled writer?

    Am I worried I won’t enjoy writing anymore if I ever get recognition?

    Am I worried that writing every day will turn me into a skilled writer, but being a professional writer won’t be fulfilling?

    P.S. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I only have a limited repertoire of examples in this newsletter, my friend

    I trust you to apply the insight to your situation.

    And maybe, when you’re pondering the question above, you’ll come to the same conclusion as me:

    That more often than not, I’m more interested in the comfort of “wanting” something I don’t have than in “taking action to get something.”

  • |

    #221 How to appease the worrier mind

    ByLukas

    How likely is the scenario you’re worrying about?
    And how impactful or life-threatening is that scenario?
    Now, how much mental bandwidth is worrying about it taking up?
    Are your worries proportionate to the actual danger?
    Should you be worrying at all?
    If not, could you stop right away?

    Of course, you and I both know that’s not always how it works, my friend.

    Because even if we know rationally that we shouldn’t worry, the worrier mind tends to scoff at answering rational questions.

    Yet today, I had an insight: maybe those questions aren’t meant to dismiss the worrier mind at all but empower the sane mind, temporarily suppressed and overpowered?

    Maybe they can provide enough encouragement to make the sane mind stand up for itself again and say, “Enough is enough.”

    Maybe that way, the sane mind will put the worrier mind back in its place, reminding it of the only task where it truly shines: protect us from life-threatening risks.

    Or maybe not. I don’t know, my friend. You’ve seen me: I’m just another human with good days and bad—productive days and lazy. Days of irrational fears and worry, and days of relaxing, dreaming, and visioning.

    But this I do know: worrying too much has never improved my mood, and I doubt it has ever improved yours.

    So if you’ve had an overactive worrier mind lately, trying won’t hurt.

    Let me know how it goes.

  • |

    #80 Replacing sensations with words

    ByLukas

    First I feel.

    Then I learn to categorize those feelings with words – until at some point, I don’t feel sensations anymore. I feel words.

    I say I’m angry – but what does being angry feel like again?

    I say I’m happy – but which sensations rush through my body?

    I say I’m sad – but does sadness always feel the same?

    With sensations comes nuance.

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