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    #159 What unintentional living looks like

    Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

    1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
    2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
    3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
    4. Habits shape your identity.

    “Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

    Intentional living and identity building look like this:

    1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
    2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
    3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
    4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

    “While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

    You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.

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    #22 Actions Overrule Thoughts

    One of the most potent drivers of change AND perpetuators of old habits is cognitive dissonance:

    In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the perception of contradictory information, and the mental toll of it. Relevant items of information include a person’s actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, and things in the environment. Cognitive dissonance is typically experienced as psychological stress when persons participate in an action that goes against one or more of those things.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

    What’s interesting about cognitive dissonance is that both “sides” of the dissonance are not equal:

    If you think one thing, but you do something else, eventually you’ll start believing what you do, not what you think.

    In other words: actions overrule thoughts.

    1. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) and I don’t write a daily post (action), I perpetuate the belief.
    2. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) but I gain enough courage and I actually do write a daily post (action), I will start shifting my belief towards the actions I’m taking. In other words: I’ll start believing I can write a daily post.
    3. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought), but I never actually write that daily post (action), then my belief will start shifting again, and I’ll start believing I can’t write a daily post.
    4. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought) and I do write a daily post (action), my belief grows stronger.

    We usually start in the first scenario until we gain enough leverage over ourselves to change our actions. The moment we change our actions to actions that conflict with our thoughts/beliefs, we’re creating cognitive dissonance.

    Then, if we follow through with our new actions, our beliefs start to change.

    The big turning point is that moment where you start taking a different action.

    Which begs the question:

    • How can we gain enough leverage over ourselves to go against our beliefs and change our actions for the better?
    • How can we make it so important to us to change (or so painful NOT to change) that we start taking different actions?

    Identify your leverage points that jolt you into action, and you gain power over your beliefs and identity.

  • #456 Slow and steady, one day at a time

    All bad things happen all at once, and you keep going.

    Slow and steady, one day at a time.

    Nothing happens, and you keep going.

    Slow and steady, one day at a time.

    All good things happen all at once, and you keep going.

    Slow and steady, one day at a time.

    All the good things can’t happen if you don’t keep going when the bad things happen, and if you don’t keep going when nothing happens.

    Slow and steady.

    One day at a time.

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    #208 How to get out of your self-improvement prison

    You feel bad because you don’t write.

    And when you write, you feel bad because you’re scared of the inevitable day you stop writing.

    That’s how you create a self-improvement prison.

    And that prison has only one way out.


    Intend to do what’s good for you.

    Then realize that even if you don’t live up to that standard all the time, you’re still worthy of self-love and self-trust.

    Focus on intention, not outcome.

    Focus on cultivating elastic discipline rather than on becoming a habit hardliner.

    Focus on the general direction of your life, not a day-by-day judgment of your every action.

    Maintain a majority vote for who you want to be.

    Realize you’re not going to be perfect today – and being perfect isn’t the goal anyway.

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