#227 Could a changed past set me free?

ByLukas
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Which conclusions did I draw from past experiences?

Have I overreacted to petty events, and ignored beautiful moments?

Have I deleted memories? Maybe invented some?

Have I built stories based on generalizations?

Most importantly: how does the past I still feel affect my actions today?

And if I know a lot of it was my own interpretation… could I change my past, or at least what it means to me?

Would that set me free?

I was undoubtedly in a pensive mood when writing this.

I guess, given the daily letters I send you, you might conclude I’m in a pensive mood every day.

And you wouldn’t be wrong.

But pensive moods can be useful – when they’re coupled with conclusions and insights. Maybe even with Tiny Trust Builders.

And if any of these questions help you re-interpret your past and set you free, too, I’ll be a happy man.

A wistful win-win.

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    #89 Don’t get it backwards

    ByLukas

    I’m not writing because I can’t write?
    I’m not playing the guitar because I’m bad at music?
    I’m not learning a language because I’m bad at learning languages?

    That’s the world on its head.

    The truth is: you can’t write because you’re not writing.
    You can’t play the guitar because you’re not playing the guitar.
    You can’t speak the language because you’re not learning the language.

    If you would write every day, cognitive dissonance starts doing its work. Your actions will overrule your thoughts and beliefs.

    And every day you write, you’re becoming a writer.

    Every day you play the guitar, you’re becoming a guitar player.

    Every day you learn a language, you’re becoming a language learner.

    The only reason you can’t do it because you’re not doing it.

    Don’t get it backwards.

  • |

    #106 Pick your freedom battles

    ByLukas

    Most people don’t really want the freedom to do anything they want, in other words, a life without constraints.

    They want the freedom to set their own constraints.

    To decide, “I want to spend my time writing,” instead of saying, “I am supposed to become a lawyer because that’s what we do in this family.”

    To decide, “I don’t drink alcohol,” instead of saying, “My social circle forces me to have a glass when I’m out.”

    To decide, “I want to live in that house, drive that car, and go on that exotic holiday, and I’m going to make it happen,” instead of saying, “I’m constrained by my talent, potential, current job, or where I grew up.”

    To decide, “I have time to learn a new language because it’s important to me,” instead of saying, “I’m too busy, I can’t (or don’t deserve to) do anything nice for myself.”

    Good or bad, beneficial or misguided, constraints are always there.

    Because life constantly forces you to make decisions, and every decision leads to a new constraint.

    Since it’s challenging to be aware of your decisions and their long-term constraining effects, which constraints do you consider important enough to set consciously (and spend considerable time and effort doing so)?

    Where do you allow others to dictate the constraints you live within?

    Who do you allow to dictate the constraints you live within?

    Pick your freedom battles.

  • | |

    #103 Show me one daily action

    ByLukas

    So you say you want to be a writer?
    Show me one daily action that proves that’s true.

    So you say you value connection with family and friends?
    Show me one daily action that demonstrates you do.

    So you say you want to learn a foreign language?
    Show me one daily action. Show me you’ll follow through.

    Show me one daily action. Not for me. But for you.

    For you to start believing you care.

    That your dreams and desires aren’t just castles in the air.

    That you dare to build an identity that supports your values and aspirations.

    Because actions overrule thoughts.

    Actions form (or break) beliefs.

    Actions aligned with your values build trust in your good intentions, and change your identity.

    One action a day. That’s all it takes.

    Lukas Van Vyve
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    #252 The Identity is the Outcome

    ByLukas

    The outcome is not the book.
    The outcome is not the marathon.
    The outcome is not the successful business.

    The outcome is not even the daily habit you form, even though they’re the stepping stones you need.

    The outcome is the embodiment of the changes we’ve internalized, the growth we’ve experienced, and the evolution we’ve undergone, allowing us to say, “This is what I now stand for. This is what I believe is possible.”

    The outcome is the identity.

    Maybe it’s less about “What do I want to achieve?” and more about “What do I want to believe?”

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    #19 The first time feels funny, the fiftieth time you fly

    ByLukas

    In a podcast segment about practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu,Tim Ferris and Joshua Waitzkin discuss a principle for managing expectations they call:

    “The first rep doesn’t count.”

    Tim Ferris, Josh Waitzkin: https://tim.blog/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/148-josh-waitzkin.pdf

    In other words: when performing a move for the first time, your body and mind need to get used to it. Gradually,you’ll get better – and the more aware you are of your body, the faster you’ll make progress – but judging someone on their first attempt doesn’t say much about their future potential.

    This holds true for many skills in life, like starting a daily publishing habit.

    Publishing a post or a video for the first time always feels funny (and often frightening). At this stage, judgment or feedback is futile. It’s all about jumping the hurdle of getting started

    Publish five times, you’re ready to get some feedback (both from yourself and from others)…

    Publish for the fiftieth time, and you’re well on your way to turn it into a habit… and fly.

    So whenever I start something new, I manage my expectations by repeating to myself:

    The first time feels funny. The fiftieth time I fly.

    And for bonus points: What would it feel like the 500th time?

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