#408 Come what may, you’ll be okay
Come what may, you will be okay.
You can trust yourself.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Then go on with your day.
Come what may, you will be okay.
You can trust yourself.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Then go on with your day.
It’s hard not to trust someone who fully trusts themselves.
But it’s hard not to accept someone who fully accepts themselves.
It’s hard not to be at ease around someone fully at ease with themselves.
In other words: if you want others to trust, accept, and be at ease with you, first learn to trust, accept, and be at ease with yourself.
You don’t need anyone else for that – just some tiny daily actions that prove that trust, acceptance, and comfort to yourself.
Oh, and you could start with that today.
You don’t have to.
But you could. And if you could, why wouldn’t you?
Achieving an outcome without the daily actions that lead to an identity shift is empty and unsustainable.
I may want to publish a book. But if someone writes the whole book without my input and I put my name on it in the end, do I deserve to call it my book?
I have a book. But I’m not a writer. And I’m not an author.
I may want to have a million dollars. But if tomorrow I win the lottery or receive a large inheritance without any action from my side, what does that mean?
I have a million dollars. But I’m not wealthy – and research suggests that without proper guidance, I’ll spend it all, ending up back at square one.
It works the other way around, too. You can blindly chase an outcome (or slip into bad habits) without considering how the actions you need to take to get there will change you as a person.
Depending on your actions to get there, chasing fame can make you happy – or very unhappy. Writing a book can make you happy or very unhappy. Building a hugely successful company can make you happy or very unhappy.
The value, satisfaction, and resentment are all in the actions, not the outcome.
Future dreams build motivation – and sometimes frustration.
Past achievements build confidence – and sometimes complacency.
Present actions create experiences you could’ve never even imagined, nor remembered.
In his book The Art of Learning (and his podcast episodes with Tim Ferris), Josh Waitzkin, former chess player and martial artist, introduces the concept of “hidden reps” when learning something new:
I think that where the really potent, low-hanging fruit hanging in plain sight lie are in the thematic, are in breaking down the learning process into the core principles or themes you want to work on and doing reps of those. Those are just invisible to people in plain sight.
Josh Waitzkin on the Tim Ferris Podcast: https://tim.blog/2020/03/14/josh-waitzkin-transcript-412/
In other words, find “neglected skills“: situations you don’t often find yourself in and where you haven’t developed a lot of trust and confidence in your abilities yet.
Then isolate and practice them until you develop confidence and trust for that particular neglected skill.
For example, when working on his chess game, instead of practicing the “openings” like everybody else, Josh would isolate the “end games”(the final part of a chess match) and practice only these.
Most people wouldn’t think of doing that; they would always start at the opening (that’s where a chess match starts, after all) and practice the end game only as an afterthought, deep into their practice session when they had already spent all their energy on the opening.
By cutting out the opening entirely during practice sessions, Josh got a lot more “hidden reps” with the end game than his competitors, which led to a big competitive advantage.
This might seem obvious, but in my experience, it’s really quite counterintuitive not to start at the beginning when practicing a skill.
For example, when learning a new guitar piece, it feels strange not to start at the beginning but to pick out a difficult part and practice that over and over again. It’s not impossible, and many teachers will tell you to isolate difficult parts, but my (and many other students’) first instinct would always be to start at the top, over and over again.
Which begs the question:
Where else are we “starting from the top” over and over again, instead of finding and isolating the neglected skills?
Some examples of how I’m trying to integrate this principle into my life:
Neglected skills are everywhere. No matter what you’re trying to learn or achieve, creating the circumstances where you can identify and isolate them, then put in the hidden reps, will pay big dividends.
As I gain more expertise in a certain field, I expect my posts on that topic to get shorter.
Because raw material starts with a lot of fluff, and only through sculpting away, day by day do I get closer to the essence.
So…
If my posts on a topic I’m familiar with are getting longer on average, I’m off-track.
If they become more abstract, I’m getting off-track.
In other words…
When I don’t yet have so much to say
I can’t stop talking
Until I sculpt away
Realize
Some words matter more than others
And what’s left is
Enough
First I envision a future me. Who do I want to be?
Then every single day, every single moment, I choose to take actions that turn me into that person I want to be.
If I don’t consciously choose my actions in the present moment that contribute to my vision, and I’m led by old unconscious patterns, beliefs, and habits instead, my visions will remain imaginary.
And if I never take the time to envision who I want to be, how do I know which actions to choose?
First envision what you want. Then choose to make it happen.