Intentional Living

Now is the time to put my heart on the line.

Because whatever I do at this very moment is a direct vote for who I want to be.

But before I let the gravity of the moment paralyze me, I realize – this is not my first vote, and it won’t be my last.

Another present moment will soon arrive, and with the passing of time, another opportunity to put my heart on the line.

Too much pressure on one moment leads to perfectionism and paralysis.

Too much focus on “this one moment doesn’t matter” leads to defeatism and lethargy.

Be intentional about the present moment because it’s the only vote you can directly influence.

Then be aware of the aggregate of your actions because your identity emerges from the majority of your votes.

Who do you choose to be?

Most people don’t really want the freedom to do anything they want, in other words, a life without constraints.

They want the freedom to set their own constraints.

To decide, “I want to spend my time writing,” instead of saying, “I am supposed to become a lawyer because that’s what we do in this family.”

To decide, “I don’t drink alcohol,” instead of saying, “My social circle forces me to have a glass when I’m out.”

To decide, “I want to live in that house, drive that car, and go on that exotic holiday, and I’m going to make it happen,” instead of saying, “I’m constrained by my talent, potential, current job, or where I grew up.”

To decide, “I have time to learn a new language because it’s important to me,” instead of saying, “I’m too busy, I can’t (or don’t deserve to) do anything nice for myself.”

Good or bad, beneficial or misguided, constraints are always there.

Because life constantly forces you to make decisions, and every decision leads to a new constraint.

Since it’s challenging to be aware of your decisions and their long-term constraining effects, which constraints do you consider important enough to set consciously (and spend considerable time and effort doing so)?

Where do you allow others to dictate the constraints you live within?

Who do you allow to dictate the constraints you live within?

Pick your freedom battles.

When it comes to habits, our actions in the present make future present moments more (or less) likely.

Do I journal today? That’s a vote for my journaling identity – which increases the likelihood of another journaling moment tomorrow. Predictive power.

Do I check Instagram today? That’s a vote for my Instagram-browsing identity – which increases the likelihood of another Instagram moment tomorrow. Predictive power.

Have I journaled 700 days in a row? I can say quite confidently I’ll journal again tomorrow. Massive predictive power.

So how do change the future?

Weaken the predictive power of one habit – stop taking the actions you want to change.

Strengthen the predictive power of a new habit – intentionally start taking different actions, and let every present moment be a vote for that new habit (and new identity).

The process is challenging and slow.

You’ll need patience.

Willpower to resist the pull of habits that have already accumulated tremendous predictive power.

You’ll need presence of mind and perseverance to choose new actions because you know they’re important to you.

It’s challenging. Slow. And worth it.

Because this is how you make the future yours.

All in on getting fluent in a foreign language?
That’s a 6-12 month game, at the minimum.

All in on learning an instrument?
Count on a multi-year (or multi-decade) game.

All-in on getting in shape?
That’s a life-long game.

This is not a poker game. You’re not trying to impress anyone. There are no opponents to deter. Not everything hinges on one big moment where you can win or lose it all.

You’re not only all in the moment you decide you’re all-in. You’re all in for the entire journey. That means: making your efforts, resources, and motivation last.

All in means preparing for the long game.

Choosing small daily habits over grand gestures.

Choosing consistency over completion.

Accepting that whatever you go all in on will inevitably change your identity.

Now you’re all in on life, and who you aspire to be.

Achieving an outcome without the daily actions that lead to an identity shift is empty and unsustainable.

I may want to publish a book. But if someone writes the whole book without my input and I put my name on it in the end, do I deserve to call it my book?

I have a book. But I’m not a writer. And I’m not an author.

I may want to have a million dollars. But if tomorrow I win the lottery or receive a large inheritance without any action from my side, what does that mean?

I have a million dollars. But I’m not wealthy – and research suggests that without proper guidance, I’ll spend it all, ending up back at square one.

It works the other way around, too. You can blindly chase an outcome (or slip into bad habits) without considering how the actions you need to take to get there will change you as a person.

Depending on your actions to get there, chasing fame can make you happy – or very unhappy. Writing a book can make you happy or very unhappy. Building a hugely successful company can make you happy or very unhappy.

The value, satisfaction, and resentment are all in the actions, not the outcome.