You want to get the guitar piece exactly right but still trip up once in a while. How do you react?
You want to run a marathon but can’t even finish half a marathon yet. How do you react?
You want to explain how you feel but end up feeling misunderstood. How do you react?
Do you let frustration hold you back?
Or do you use the gap as leverage to change your actions and bridge the gap between your current and desired identity?
Who you are and what you do consistently always coincide. After all, your repeated actions create your identity.
But who you want to be and what you consistently do don’t usually coincide. Otherwise, you would already have become who you want to be.
You want to be a writer, but you’re not consistently writing? Writing consistently will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.
You want to be a guitar player, but you’re not consistently playing the guitar? Practicing daily will bridge the gap between your current and desired identity.
Could you make your actions coincide with your desired identity?
When you need to do it every day
there just is no other way
you’re developing a habit, but it could still fade away.
When you don’t need to do it every day
and you trust you’ll stay on track anyway
you know the habit is here to stay.
The only future we habitually see for ourselves is the one our past illuminates.
The moment we take a flashlight, intentionally aim our gaze, and look at what lies beyond the shade of the past, we see what’s truly possible for us.
It’s a counterintuitive process.
It takes courage and energy.
It’s what intentional living is all about.
If I want to act differently, I let go of the past.
If I want to act the same way I always did, I cling to the past.
Both clinging and letting go have their place.
I could cling to a habit of eating healthily, or treating others with kindness.
But maybe I could let go of a habit of self-criticism.
What benefits me? What benefits others?
What harms me? What harms others?
Who do I want to be?
Eating junk food for dinner. Because that’s what you always did.
Having home-grown vegetables for lunch. Because that’s what you always did.
Scrolling through social media apps for 20 minutes. Because that’s what you always did.
Meditating for 20 minutes every morning. Because that’s what you always did.
Working 15-hour days. Because that’s what you always did.
Taking the time to relax, let the mind wander, and be with family. Because that’s what you always did.
Our lives are full of predictable pathways, paved and reinforced by our past and present actions.
But not all pathways are desirable.
Luckily the past doesn’t equal the future.
You can change your present actions to change the course of your pathway, away from a predictable future towards a desirable future.
You don’t have to feel certain to start taking action.
You take action to start feeling certain.
You don’t need to be calm to do yoga.
You do yoga to become calm.
You don’t need to have a quiet mind to meditate.
You meditate to cultivate a quiet mind.
You don’t have to speak Spanish fluently to have a conversation in Spanish.
You have a conversation in Spanish to learn to speak Spanish fluently.
You don’t need to know how to love to start loving someone.
You start loving someone to learn how to love.
And while this chain of causality sounds logical, sometimes the logical things are the hardest to remember.
Not all tasks and activities we must do feel fulfilling or rewarding. There’s no way out of busy work.
But we can avoid prioritizing and attracting it to the expense of work that matters.
Enter the hour of misery.
One hour of busy work and chores a day.
60 minutes. Not more. But also not less.
If, after 60 minutes of misery, you feel like you should do much more, it’s time to realign priorities.
Delegate.
OR come to terms with the fact that you’ll never finish the pile of busy work tasks – then carry on with the important stuff anyway.
After all, tomorrow’s another day.
We all want to avoid doing things that make us miserable.
Yet avoiding them often takes the shape of prioritizing them.
“I’ll do this unpleasant thing first so that I can get to the fun stuff.”
Unfortunately, it seems to be a rule that the more unpleasant tasks you cross off your to-do list, the more unpleasant tasks appear on your to-do list.
Sometimes it makes sense to do the essential things first, even if that means you keep the unpleasant things on your to-do list.
This is not a free pass to avoid unpleasant things and only do something you like.
It’s about doing the things that matter, regardless of whether they’re pleasant.
It’s about coming to terms with the fact that you’ll probably always drown in chores and busy work to do, then doing the important stuff anyway.
Journaling question of the day:
Where are you prioritizing and attracting things that make you miserable instead of doing the work that matters?
Every day in which I write, I build my body of work.
As I build my body of work, I also build a hierarchy of quality.
Because every day, my writing will be slightly better or worse than the day before.
That means that the more I write, comparatively, the more good writing I’ll do.
It also means that the more I write, comparatively, the more bad writing I do.
Both are necessary.
Good writing, to feel progress.
Bad writing, to know what good writing looks and feels like in the first place.
It’s all part of the process.
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