#100 There are by-products. And then there’s what matters.

ByLukas
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The moment you stop doing things for what they can give you, and start doing things for who you become through doing them, is the moment you get everything you ever wanted.

Lukas Van Vyve

I don’t write a blog post every day just to have a pile of posts on the blog.

I write because writing is what makes me a writer. And I enjoy being a writer very much.

The blog posts are but a byproduct. Pleasant. But a byproduct.

I don’t practice Stream Of Consciousness journaling every day to write beautiful prose, poems or have amazing insights.

I do it because it calms the mind. Because my life is better with it than without.

And because doing something for 700 days straight shows me that I, too, am becoming a disciplined person. And I enjoy being a disciplined person very much.

The occasional insights are but a byproduct. Pleasant. But a byproduct.

I don’t practice the guitar so I can show the world how well I play.

I play because it’s fun to practice something hard and feel a sense of improvement.

And because practicing the guitar makes me a musician. And I enjoy being a musician very much.

Being able to play a beautiful piece is just a by-product. Pleasant. But a byproduct.

There are by-products. And then there’s what matters.

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  • #151 Habit hardliners vs Elastic Discipline

    ByLukas

    If I don’t meditate today, will I ever become a consistent practitioner?

    If I don’t go for that run today, will I ever become a runner?

    If I don’t stick to my diet today, will I ever get in shape?

    There’s a time and place for being a hardliner about your habits – the first 30-45 days when the naysayer voice in your head still says, “let’s see how long it takes before I give up again.”

    After all, you’re building a new identity and will still be pulled back towards your old ways.

    But at some point, hardliners need to make the switch to “elastic discipline“:

    Being disciplined about your daily practice while trusting yourself enough that when life inevitably puts you in a situation where you HAVE to violate your principles, you can navigate it, adjust your behavior, and afterward, like an elastic band, bounce back to your disciplined practice.

    This is an overlooked part of habit-building. Because if you don’t consciously build the self-trust that you can, in fact, persevere despite setbacks, you’ll live in fear of giving up forever.

    So initially, when you start a new habit, be a hardliner.

    Use Tiny Trust Builders to start building confidence in your ability to persevere.

    After 30 days, start asking yourself: do I trust myself enough to skip a day and then bounce back to my disciplined practice tomorrow?

    Skip a day, then start again.

    Build self-trust.

    Feel your confidence and self-worth grow.

    Cultivate “elastic discipline” and become free.

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    #91 Now is not the time to negotiate

    ByLukas

    I commit to taking a cold shower. To publish a daily blog post. To do a yoga class, because these actions contribute to my vision for who I want to be.

    I commit, despite the knowledge that when the time has come, right before I turn the shower tap to cold, I won’t want to take a cold shower.

    That right before I start writing an article, my mind will throw a million distractios at me.

    That right before my yoga workout, my mind will start negotiating with itself, coming up with reasons why I’d better do something else.

    “Today it’s cold outside, what if I start tomorrow?”
    “I don’t feel like it today, maybe I’ll just write two articles tomorrow?”
    “{{insert any excuse my mind makes up to avoid short-term discomfort}}

    But now is not the time to negotiate.

    Do I choose the long-term pain of regret over the short-term pain of discipline?

    Do I choose to cultivate a procrastinator identity, or do I become a go-getter?

    Who do I want (and choose) to be?

    I can evaluate and adjust my plan afterwards.

    But now is not the time to negotiate.

  • #345 Why being good isn’t relevant

    ByLukas

    People can think you’re not good at writing, and you can still write – and love it.

    You can think you’re not good at writing, and you can still write – and love it.

    You can think you’ll never be good at writing, and you can still write – and love it.

    Because whether you’re good at something or not is nowhere nearly as relevant as how fulfilled it makes you feel.

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    #104 This is not a poker game

    ByLukas

    All in on getting fluent in a foreign language?
    That’s a 6-12 month game, at the minimum.

    All in on learning an instrument?
    Count on a multi-year (or multi-decade) game.

    All-in on getting in shape?
    That’s a life-long game.

    This is not a poker game. You’re not trying to impress anyone. There are no opponents to deter. Not everything hinges on one big moment where you can win or lose it all.

    You’re not only all in the moment you decide you’re all-in. You’re all in for the entire journey. That means: making your efforts, resources, and motivation last.

    All in means preparing for the long game.

    Choosing small daily habits over grand gestures.

    Choosing consistency over completion.

    Accepting that whatever you go all in on will inevitably change your identity.

    Now you’re all in on life, and who you aspire to be.

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