#331 Building habits the lazy way

ByLukas

Some people think they can’t build habits because they’re lazy.

Maybe we all are – so we might as well make laziness the key to building habits.

I write only one short daily post because I know I won’t stick to writing long-form posts – and when I feel like writing long-form, it doesn’t feel like an obligation but a treat. Laziness built the writing habit, and laziness makes me feel good when I write more.

I do 5-minute daily meditations because I know I won’t stick to 30-minute meditation as a habit – yet when I DO meditate for 30 minutes, it feels like a treat. Laziness built the meditation habit, and laziness makes me feel good when I meditate more.

If you are so sure you won’t stick to anything overly ambitious, what’s the laziest way you could implement a behavior change? Can you use that as your starting point to build life-changing habits?

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    #225 Commitment comes first

    ByLukas

    When you decide if you should be chasing this goal, job, relationship, or place to live – in other words, commitment – you choose between action or inaction based on if it’s a viable, worthwhile, realistic goal.

    When you decide on the course of action – in other words, how to do something – you’re already committed to action.

    Sometimes, the commitment might be too big, too hard, or too disruptive – and that’s perfectly valid.

    But here’s what I’ve noticed, my friend: whenever I try to decide on the how before I’ve decided on the commitment, I have even more doubts, and any course of action seems complicated.

    I’m curious how you feel about it. We’ll talk more about it in the coming days and weeks.

  • #322 The naysayer in your head

    ByLukas

    Whenever you set out to establish a new habit, there’s often a nagging thought at the back of your mind wondering, “When will you quit this time?”

    But the naysayer in your head that has had free reign for all these years can’t be silenced.

    They can only be proven wrong.

    “You expect me to quit? Watch me.”

    “Say whatever you want; I am showing up today.”

    Tiny Trust Builders, day after day, until the naysayer admits, “I was wrong. You’re not that person anymore.”

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    #15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

    ByLukas

    What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

    To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

    The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

    How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

    1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
    2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
      1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
      2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
      3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”
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    #58 Pre-verbal

    ByLukas

    There used to be a time when you didn’t have words for your feelings. You just felt them.

    You didn’t have words to say that your parents are your parents. You just knew it.

    You didn’t have words for the sounds other humans made. Like singing birds, a buzzing bumblebee, or a rolling thunder, it was all just vibrating air.

    What was your experience of reality like before words started categorizing, abstracting and limiting what you could see, hear, touch and feel?

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