Maybe you feel like you’re going off-track once in a while.
Maybe going off-track is how you build your own track.
Maybe your own track doesn’t always have to go straight.
Maybe you’re the only one using your track.
And maybe that’s fine.
In working-class cafés in Napoli, people who experienced good luck often buy a coffee, then another one “pending”, which the barista can serve to anyone at his own discretion: a caffè sospeso.
A symbol of social trust and solidarity. Or, in the hands of marketeers and big coffee chains, a tool for increasing sales.
Regardless, it’s an act minimal enough to not to turn the donor into a hero, and small enough not to affect the receiver’s self-worth.
If such accessible acts of generosity make the donor feel good, and the receiver of a free coffee too…
And if it’s something almost everyone can do, not just billionaire philanthropists…
It’s an initiative worth spreading. Maybe not only for coffee.
We get hungry and look for food. Then we get hungry again.
We get thirsty and look for water. Then we’re thirsty again.
We want to create art and learn how to sing. Then we want to create more and learn how to draw.
Full satisfaction with our life as it is is an illusion. Desire will always be there, even if we think we’ve reached all our goals.
Without a gap between what we do and what we want to do, what we have and what we want, who we are and who we want to be, life becomes meaningless.
With that knowledge, how can we still be fulfilled?
The fulfillment formula may help:
Regardless of outcomes and results, are the majority of your daily actions in alignment with your purpose, values, and the identity you want to forge?
I don’t wake up every day in love with the prospect of writing a blog post.
But I do love that part of my identity is that I publish something every day.
By not publishing, I would lose that part of my identity and end up frustrated because I gave up something I enjoy. And that’s painful.
So I write.
The secret to sticking to your habits: make the pain of quitting bigger than the pain of getting over the resistance against doing what you know is good for you.
Because the pain of discipline is always easier to bear than the pain of regret.
Overgeneralization: I failed to stick to a new habit once, so I’ll always give up.
Undergeneralization: Even though I’ve been writing consistently for months, I’m still expecting the day I’ll finally give up again.
Both are manifestations of self-sabotage and perpetuations of a negative self-image.
The only way out: don’t focus on habits, focus on Tiny Trust Builders.
Let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.
Let your actions overrule your thoughts.
Let your actions change your identity.
One day at a time.
Shadow writer – someone who holds a secret desire, maybe even an irresistible urge to write but is afraid of being criticized – so their words never even make it on the page.
Shadow runner – someone who’d love to run a marathon but doesn’t believe they could train consistently enough to make it happen – so their legs never even take them on a single run.
Shadow singer – someone who loves singing but believes nobody will like their voice anyway – so their song never even reaches past the shower cabin.
Shadow entrepreneur – someone who has a big life-changing vision, but keeps it hidden out of fear of being ridiculed, dismissed, or ignored – so their ideas never even make it out of hiding.
Where are you staying in the shadow of your own self-denial?
Which daily Tiny Trust Builders could help you to step out of that shadow – and do what you always wanted to do?
It’s time.
(If this resonates, you might want to read The Artist’s Way)
Completion projects leads to restless rushing, an achievement, then a black hole. Indecision.
I got the promotion. I wrote the book. I finished the degree. I built the house. I sold the business. Now who am I… and what’s next?
Consistency projects lead to a change in habits and identity. Every day, I do what I believe to be true to who I am. As a result, every day, I’m becoming who I truly want to be.
Consistency projects are true life projects, because they’re about taking daily actions and installing habits, never-ending until they come to their natural conclusion.
I’ll write every day without ever thinking I’m writing my last words. Now I’m a writer… until one day, I feel: the season of writing is over.
You’ll tend to gardens, plants, and trees every day without ever thinking this is the last flower you’ll hold in your hand… until one day, you feel: the season of tree-tending is over.
We take care of our children from the moment they’re born, without thinking about letting them go. Now we’re caretakers… until one day, we feel: the season of caretaking is over.
We’ll breathe every day, without ever thinking about breathing our last breath. Now we’re breathers… until one day, we feel: the season of breathing is over.
Lukas Van Vyve
