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    #56 Action, traction, distraction

    At any given time in your day, if you’re doing what you set out to do, whether it’s work, play, going for a walk, or taking a nap, you’re gaining traction. In other words, you’re taking action and are moving towards a goal you set… and you’re becoming more of the person you want to be.

    If you’re not doing what you set out to do, you’re getting distracted. You’re taking action and are moving away from the goal you set… and you’re becoming less of the person you want to be.

    Traction, distraction… it’s all action. The only difference: are your actions deliberate, and have you intentionally chosen who you want to be (and which actions align with that identity)?

    I can consciously set out, in advance to write for two hours a day, because I want to be a writer. Then, if I end up actually writing during those two hours, I’m gaining traction towards that goal and the person I want to be: a writer.

    I can also consciously set out, in advance, to watch a Netflix series afterward as a reward for my hard labor, because I want to be someone who also allows downtime and relaxation in my day.

    And if during that time I set out to watch that series, I actually watch the series, guess what: I’m gaining traction towards that goal and identity too! (BUT following this logic, if during the time I set aside for Netflix, I decide to keep writing, strangely enough, the writing has now become the distraction. This is how you become a workaholic.)

    If I set out to meet with friends, or have a romantic date night because I want to be someone who values friendships and relationships, and I follow through… yep, now I’m gaining traction in that domain too.

    The same goes for anything else I consciously decide to do on any given day.

    Choose for traction and let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

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    #38 Regret, worry, forget

    We regret the past, worry about the future, and forget about the now.

    What if I:

    • learn from and let go of the past
    • create an empowering vision of the future, informed by your imagination AND lessons of the past
    • act in the now, confident that every action you take brings you closer towards that vision

    To let go of the past:

    • Write Morning Pages – Stream of Consciousness journaling
    • Did I give it my all? Whether my actions were aligned or misguided, did I go for it 100%?
    • Did I allow myself to learn something and see the silver lining?

    To create a future with fewer worries:

    To be in the moment:

    • Write Morning Pages – Stream of Consciousness journaling
    • Breathe
    • Walk in nature
    • Create something
    • Talk… and listen

    The constant: write Morning Pages.

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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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