If you knew you’d write more words tomorrow anyway…
If you knew you’d put your body in a yoga pose every day…
If you knew you’d write the same song over and over again either way…
If you knew there’d be no pressure to nail the guitar piece because tomorrow there’s another chance to play…
If you knew you’d have a lifetime of practice ahead of you – what would you focus on today?
What gets you going – and what keeps you going?
Pain. Pleasure. Usually, a combination of both.
I like being disciplined – it gives me pleasure.
I also know very well that I don’t want to go back to jumping from one project to another, giving up before reaching any meaningful level of skill or results, and ending up frustrated with myself – the thought alone is painful.
The pain often gets you going, later to be joined by pleasure in a cocktail of motivation, discipline, and persistence.
And in this case, strong emotions, passion, and yes, also pain, often lead to more leverage – if you allow yourself to see the lessons it can teach you.
I never want to be that person again – which helped me figure out that I really want to be this person.
Living your never again might well help you figure out your yes, for as long as I shall live.
Most habits are hard to stick to because they promise not only a positive lifestyle change but also instant results.
But worrying about building a habit and getting results at the same time leads to frustration and, ultimately, failure – after all, when building a habit, showing up every day is already hard enough.
First, you must learn to trust that you can show up every day, even if you don’t see improvement right away.
Only then do you get a shot at getting results.
The key is in the power of tiny actions, consistently taken.
Can’t write at your usual time? Sway, and write later in the day anyway.
A work project doesn’t go your way? Sway, remember your ultimate goal, and keep going anyway.
Can’t go for your usual run because your knee hurts when you woke up? Sway, realize there are more ways to prepare for a marathon than just running, then do a prep session anyway.
If you don’t want to let the day-to-day sway you in your purpose, you must sway with the day-to-day.
When things don’t go your way, sway – but find a way to make progress anyway.
Only when you know you can get through the bad moments, you can fully appreciate the good moments without fear of them
fading away.
Only when the fear of failure disappears, you can fully succeed.
Good or bad, you’ll be fine either way. That belief is all you need.
My sense of fulfillment comes from taking daily actions that are aligned with a personal philosophy and a purpose I intentionally determine.
As life unfolds, my purpose can change. My values can change. I can feel over the moon, dreadful, and everything in between.
My daily actions can change (and they certainly won’t always be aligned with my personal philosophy).
But the fulfillment formula always stays the same.
Are the majority of my daily actions in alignment with my purpose, values, and the identity I want to forge?
A consequence of this formula: Without clear purpose, without consciously choosing values or designing a personal philosophy, without knowing what you stand for and who you choose to be, it’s hard to feel fulfilled.
In short: intentional, aligned, disciplined living and identity building helps to feel fulfilled.
All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.
So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.
In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.
Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.
Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.
Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).
Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.
If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?
Or even better than just asking: journal about it.
