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    #161 It’s not that complicated.

    If you want to be a writer, write wholeheartedly and consistently until you start believing you’re a writer and you trust you’ll always be – then relax.

    If you want to be a runner, run wholeheartedly and consistently until you start believing you’re a runner and you trust you’ll always be – then relax.

    If you want to be there for your family, start being there for them wholeheartedly and consistently until you start believing you’re a family guy and you trust you’ll always be – then relax.

    Elastic discipline.

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    #207 Overgeneralization vs Undergeneralization

    Overgeneralization: I failed to stick to a new habit once, so I’ll always give up.

    Undergeneralization: Even though I’ve been writing consistently for months, I’m still expecting the day I’ll finally give up again.

    Both are manifestations of self-sabotage and perpetuations of a negative self-image.

    The only way out: don’t focus on habits, focus on Tiny Trust Builders.

    Let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

    Let your actions overrule your thoughts.

    Let your actions change your identity.

    One day at a time.

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    #25 Pre-emptive disqualification

    In the series of self-sabotaging behavior I’ve observed in myself and others: “pre-emptively disqualifying yourself”.

    Before you even start, you’re depriving yourself already of any potential benefit of the exercise because you don’t know if you’ll get the EXACT benefit promised/desired by you.

    “This exercise might have cured your neck pain, but I’ve always had neck problems, it won’t chage anything.”

    “You might be able to write every day, but for me, in my situation, that would never be possible.”

    This shows a lack of understanding of learning principles. Because with any exercise, program, diet, methodology, you’ll never get the exact same results as someone else, because you can never replicate the exact circumstances and actions of a person.

    Instead, you do the exercise/program/diet/… within the framework of your own personal context/skills/past experience. Within that context, it will guide your learning process. But the outcome resulting from it is personal.

    Variance is to be expected, and this is a good thing. Because this is how innovation happens: actions in different types of circumstances lead to slightly different results. Sometime that leads to disappointment, sometimes to real breakthroughs.

    Getting different results, then, is not a reason to pre-emptively disqualify yourself, or to claim something doesn’t work. Because the true value doesn’t lie in getting the exact same results as someone else, but rather, to consciously set the general direction of our lives.

    Every day, we have to make so many decisions that lead us down different future paths, so modeling someone and using their actions as a guiding principle will greatly increase the probability of you going in the direction you desire, and getting results in the same ballpark.

    For example, I’ve been doing Dylan Werner’s yoga classes on Alo Moves (my go-to online yoga/fitness/meditation app) consistently for almost two years now. Even if I continue to follow his exact schedule for two more years, chances are, I still might not be able to do something like this:

    After all, we have a different body structure, different gene disposition, different circumstances, and I’ll have to adapt his schedule to my personal capacity.

    Still, if I follow his schedule I’ll definitely become much stronger and healthier than if I chose to model a couch potato, watch TV and eat fries and burgers all day. And that’s what it’s all about.

    Modeling, in that point of view, are an effective way to accelerate your progress and lead your life in the direction you want, without you having to know exactly which results you’ll get.

    In other words: when you let go of the need to predict exact future outcomes, you can stop pre-emptively disqualifying yourself, and start pro-actively setting the direction of your life.

  • #373 One day, you’ll be happy you have your habits

    You write today. You run today. You do yoga today. You reach out to friends today.

    Because one day, when the going gets tough, you’ll be happy you have a writing habit to express ideas and feelings.

    You’ll be happy you’re in shape enough to run.

    You’ll be happy to know your body well enough to move freely.

    And you’ll be happy you have friends.

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    #32 Before I learned not to listen

    Before I learned not to listen
    I would stand
    seemingly still
    but secretly swaying
    swallowed up by a willow tree
    and its play with the wind

    Before I learned not to listen
    I would hold my head against the rind
    reach
    reconnect with an old friend
    the way it has always felt best
    cheek pressed to chest

    Before I learned not to listen
    a breeze in the leaves
    rustling ruminating
    would sound like raindrops in my ears
    making my eyes answer
    with a torrent of tears

    Before I learned not to listen
    a rolling thunder
    thumping like a beating heart
    would rumble from my cheek to my ear
    replacing my fear
    with a memory I used to held dear
    we were never really apart

    Before I learned not to listen
    before the lust for language
    reduced what I could see
    and sense within
    I would allow the whispers of the wordless world
    speak to me like kin

    Before I learned not to listen
    I would accept
    that once upon a time
    I remembered your name
    and once upon a time we both knew
    we were one and all the same

    Lukas Van Vyve

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