#82 Choice Inflection and New Defaults

ByLukas
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Once upon a time, I consciously chose to brush my teeth every day, until brushing my teeth became my new default. Now the conscious choice I have to make is NOT brushing my teeth.

Once upon a time, during a pandemic, we consciously chose to wear face masks, until wearing face masks became the new default. Then the conscious choice we had to make was NOT wearing the face mask anymore.

Once upon a time, I consciously chose to write every day, until writing became my new default. Now the conscious choice I have to make is NOT writing.

Where else could I use a new default?

Choice inflection.

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  • #5 How did I ever let that stop me?

    ByLukas

    The other day you asked about my favorite words.

    But what I really want to write about is my favorite questions.

    Because as much as words can spark imagination, questions are what steer the mind – to good places or bad.

    Consider this one:

    “Why do I always give up when I start a new habit?“

    This presupposes that I always give up and will ask my brain to come up with reasons (and excuses) to justify and perpetuate that behavior.

    • Why do I always get frustrated when something doesn’t go my way?
    • Why do I always wait until the last minute to start on a project, so I get stressed and barely meet the deadline?
    • Why do I always give up when I start writing and publishing daily?

    And off I go, finding excuses for behavior, thus perpetuation.

    “Look at all the reasons I found for behaving this way. I may not like it, but I guess this is who I am.”

    Why would you send your mind there… If you could also ask yourself a question like:

    “What would it feel like if I were already writing and publishing every day?”

    How would I feel about myself…

    How would I look at myself?

    What would I say, what would I create… How would I act?

    Which obstacles would I have conquered?

    Which excuses would have become irrelevant, making me shake my head, saying to myself, “How did I ever let that stop me?”

    And just like that, with my imagination set free

    internal resistance melting away

    off I go

    finally becoming who I’ve always wanted to be.

    P.S: If you MUST ask the “Why do I always…” questions, at least use them to justify and perpetuate positive behavior.

    Why do I always wake up and immediately write three pages stream of consciousness?

    • Because it helps me slow down.
    • Because it makes me aware of negative (and positive thought patterns).
    • Because I feel calm after writing them.
    • Because ever since I started, more creative, productive, and disciplined
    • Because this is who I am now. And I love this version of me much more than the one from before I started writing every day.

    P.P.S.: Alright then, one more question to think (or journal) about:

    Where am I perpetuating a situation or habit I say I don’t want but I secretly cling to because it feels comfortable and has become part of my identity?

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    #22 Actions Overrule Thoughts

    ByLukas

    One of the most potent drivers of change AND perpetuators of old habits is cognitive dissonance:

    In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the perception of contradictory information, and the mental toll of it. Relevant items of information include a person’s actions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, values, and things in the environment. Cognitive dissonance is typically experienced as psychological stress when persons participate in an action that goes against one or more of those things.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

    What’s interesting about cognitive dissonance is that both “sides” of the dissonance are not equal:

    If you think one thing, but you do something else, eventually you’ll start believing what you do, not what you think.

    In other words: actions overrule thoughts.

    1. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) and I don’t write a daily post (action), I perpetuate the belief.
    2. If I tell myself I can’t write a daily post (thought) but I gain enough courage and I actually do write a daily post (action), I will start shifting my belief towards the actions I’m taking. In other words: I’ll start believing I can write a daily post.
    3. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought), but I never actually write that daily post (action), then my belief will start shifting again, and I’ll start believing I can’t write a daily post.
    4. If I tell myself I can write a daily post (thought) and I do write a daily post (action), my belief grows stronger.

    We usually start in the first scenario until we gain enough leverage over ourselves to change our actions. The moment we change our actions to actions that conflict with our thoughts/beliefs, we’re creating cognitive dissonance.

    Then, if we follow through with our new actions, our beliefs start to change.

    The big turning point is that moment where you start taking a different action.

    Which begs the question:

    • How can we gain enough leverage over ourselves to go against our beliefs and change our actions for the better?
    • How can we make it so important to us to change (or so painful NOT to change) that we start taking different actions?

    Identify your leverage points that jolt you into action, and you gain power over your beliefs and identity.

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    #187 Causality on its head

    ByLukas

    You don’t have to feel certain to start taking action.

    You take action to start feeling certain.

    You don’t need to be calm to do yoga.

    You do yoga to become calm.

    You don’t need to have a quiet mind to meditate.

    You meditate to cultivate a quiet mind.

    You don’t have to speak Spanish fluently to have a conversation in Spanish.

    You have a conversation in Spanish to learn to speak Spanish fluently.

    You don’t need to know how to love to start loving someone.

    You start loving someone to learn how to love.

    And while this chain of causality sounds logical, sometimes the logical things are the hardest to remember.

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