#29 The myth of self-sabotage

ByLukas
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All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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  • #356 Don’t be guilted into discipline

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    You don’t become truly happy when a Duolingo owl, notifications, or leaderboards guilted them into spending hours on their phone – even if they learn something.

    Could we create learning environments that build self-trust (you showed up because it’s important for you to show up)?

    Discipline (I stuck to my plan and I feel good about it)?

    Agency (I chose to do this today)?

  • #167 Worry or dream a thousand times

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    I can worry a thousand times until my worries come true.

    I can envision my dreams a thousand times until my dreams come true.

    Not because of the act of worrying or the dreaming itself.

    But because my worries or dreams will incite different present actions taking me down different paths.

    Whatever future I focus on a thousand times, I’ll be drawn towards.

    Choose wisely.

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    #197 Reminders upon reminders upon reminders

    ByLukas

    Intentional living is about reminding yourself of what’s most important to you.

    Reminding yourself that you can choose to be a writer, a runner, a musician, an artist, or a bon vivant.

    Reminding yourself that you can choose to be kind to others.

    Reminding yourself that you have a choice to act differently.

    Reminding yourself that the past does not equal the future.

    Reminding yourself that this, too, shall pass.

    Reminding yourself that at any given moment, whatever reminder you need the most, you likely won’t think of yourself.

    Reminding yourself that for this reason, it’s OK to get help and let someone else remind you with short daily notes.

    And me, reminding myself that the act of writing daily reminders for you is the reminder I need to remember that I do, in fact, choose to be consistent, and I choose to be a writer.

    Reminders upon reminders upon reminders that we will constantly get distracted, and we will always have the choice to come back to what truly matters.

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    #51 Reversing the causal arrow

    ByLukas

    Who is the person who has already done (or is already doing) what you want to do?

    What does their life look like?

    Where are they?

    What do they say, think feel?

    What do they focus on?

    Who did they have to become?

    What would life be like if YOU have already done (or are already doing) what you want to do?

    It’s hard to achieve change if you’re stuck in your current identity (where you haven’t achieved that change yet).

    Using your imagination to reverse the causal arrow can help you get out of that rut.

    First imagine what it feels like to have already achieved (or to be already doing) something.

    Then choose your present actions according to that feeling and identity.

    Let every action you take help you become more of who you want to be.

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    #99 Why bother to journal?

    ByLukas

    Stream Of Consciousness writing isn’t about what you write. It’s about the very fact that you’re writing.

    Nobody cares about the words on the pages. Nobody will read them anyway. Neither should you.

    This is not a novel. This is not a love song. This is not a poem. This is but an externalization of your mind’s chatter. Ugly, pretty, insightful, bland. It doesn’t matter.

    There’s no great work. Nor is there any bad work. No high standards, no judgment. Nothing but what flows out of your mind.

    So if none of it matters… why bother to write Stream of Consciousness?

    Because it forces you to slow down.

    Because it forces you to pay attention to what’s on your mind.

    Because it forces you to listen to the way you talk to yourself.

    Because it helps you get all the overwhelming thoughts and worries out of your system.

    Because it helps you gain clarity.

    And because sometimes, insights emerge. Not necessarily in the words on the page. But due to the fact that you’re writing the words on the page.

    Stream Of Consciousness journaling is writing. Venting. Self-therapy. Problem-solving. Meditation. Goal-setting. Creative liberation. And anything else you want it to be.

    Because you have all of that in you already – if only you’d re-learn to listen.

    And listening to yourself, it turns out, is much easier when you put it all on the page.

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