#26 Becoming less blind to what’s already here

ByLukas
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I write about the same topics over and over again, with slightly different words.

I listen to people explaining the same topics over and over again, with a slightly different interpretation.

I practice the same breathing exercises every day, becoming aware of changes so subtle it’s hard to believe they make any difference.

While all that energy spent on what seems like “repeating” and “reviewing” might seem like a waste of time, the constant revisiting of things we already know is how I grow.

Because with every repetition I’m discovering a new part of the same insight.

A new nuance that in itself might seem insignificant, but added to my personal experience, insights, understanding, might make all the difference.

And with every new insight, I become a little less blind to what’s already here.

In the process, I have to accept that the perfect words might never come.

The perfect explanation might never come.

The perfect execution of a skill might never happen.

But if I stay the course, my understanding of what matters to me in life will always keep growing.

At some point, through all the practicing, learning, reading, writing, I might stumble upon a groundbreaking insight.

Or maybe it never happens.

It doesn’t matter. I feel fulfilled regardless… As long as I keep sculpting away, day by day.

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    #3 Trust issues and the Completion Paradox

    ByLukas

    Starting a new habit seems to come with three universal “self-trust issues”:

    Trust in my Intentions. “Do I even have the time for this? Does making time for this make me selfish… Is it even good for me to spend time on this, out of all the priorities in life? Will this do me in any good in the long term?”

    Trust in my Ability to follow through. “I’ll probably give up at the first opportunity, and then beat myself up again for not following through.”

    Trust in my Skills. “Am I even good enough? I don’t notice any improvement, I don’t think this is working for me. I don’t think I can do this.”

    (Source: Eben Pagan)

    And even though I’ve slowly been gaining trust across all three dimensions in the past two years…

    Whenever I start something new – like publishing a daily insight – the same trust issues resurface.

    “Trust in my ability to follow through” is a particularly tough cookie. Not a day goes by without a self-defeating and endlessly annoying voice whispering in my ear: “Go ahead, try me. See how long you last before you return with another habit you gave up on…”

    Which leads me to the Completion Paradox:

    Trust in my ability to complete things is not a prerequisite to get started. It’s earned through getting started in the first place and then, slowly, but surely, day by day, following through. Completing something every single day. Proving to myself that I can, in fact, trust myself to follow through. Building up that self-trust every day through tiny trust builders.

    So… the questions I keep in mind today:

    • How can I bring my positive habit-building experiences from the past, and the trust I built into this new activity?
    • What would it feel like if, instead of spoiling the fun of starting this daily publishing with nagging self-doubt, waiting for the “inevitable moment where I’ll give up”… I celebrate each time I’m following through and see it as another step closer to a new habit… another step closer to self-trust?

    Taking it one step further:

    • What would it feel like to have this new habit in place already? How would I act if I already had enough trust that no matter what happens, even if I miss a day, or even a week, I’ll return back to daily publishing?

    And with those questions in mind, I realize a simple thought can put my mind at ease…

    “It’s all fine… I’ve been through this before.”

    Because when my dreams start drowning in doubts
    And desire turns into despair
    When I suddenly see what I always had in me
    Who I could be
    Yet my thoughts already declare defeat
    I step back
    Look back
    Feel back
    And when at last I notice
    That day by day,
    I’m finally unleashing the calling I’ve always ignored
    I remind myself
    It’s all fine. I’ve been through this before.

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    #52 Missing the stars on a clear night

    ByLukas

    Can I see the stars on a clear night? Or is light pollution blurring my vision?

    Can I hear the voices in my mind? Or is noise pollution drowning out the quiet?

    Can I feel the sensations stirring my body? Or are the superstimuli of the modern world numbing out my feelings?

    Where else is overwhelming human-made input making me blind, deaf, numb to the natural world? To the wordless world? To my inner world?

    Where am I missing out on Musenküsse, for lack of silence and empty space?

  • #2 Why I write

    ByLukas

    If writing and creating every day were as vital to my survival as drinking water, ingesting food, and bonding… What would life look like?

    Biologically, all behavior is driven by pain, pleasure, and the triggers and habits that come from repeated reaction to those stimuli.

    So I eat because I want to escape the pain of hunger – or heartbreak, sadness, and frustration.

    I connect with others because I’m neurologically hardwired to feel pleasure when bonding… and pain and deprivation when I’m abandoned.

    Similarly, I write because I want to escape the frustration of not being able to put into words an insight.

    I also write because I enjoy the rush resulting from finding the words that convey what I want to say.

    I write because I love the tingling in my back and neck when I combine those words into sentences with just the right rhythm, just the right cadence capturing the meaning, context, emotion of what I want to say…

    I write because writing wrests the essence from the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions racing through my mind and body.

    I write because when when I write, I feel that at last, I can make sense of life.

    And the more meaning I find, the more likely I am to write.

2 Comments

  1. You got to love repetition, don’t we all? But how do you make sure you don’t overlook your own blind spots/preconceived conceptions?
    Just a thought from a friend

    Reply

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