#23 For all the languages I’ve learned

Achieving an outcome without the daily actions that lead to an identity shift is empty and unsustainable.

I may want to publish a book. But if someone writes the whole book without my input and I put my name on it in the end, do I deserve to call it my book?

I have a book. But I’m not a writer. And I’m not an author.

I may want to have a million dollars. But if tomorrow I win the lottery or receive a large inheritance without any action from my side, what does that mean?

I have a million dollars. But I’m not wealthy – and research suggests that without proper guidance, I’ll spend it all, ending up back at square one.

It works the other way around, too. You can blindly chase an outcome (or slip into bad habits) without considering how the actions you need to take to get there will change you as a person.

Depending on your actions to get there, chasing fame can make you happy – or very unhappy. Writing a book can make you happy or very unhappy. Building a hugely successful company can make you happy or very unhappy.

The value, satisfaction, and resentment are all in the actions, not the outcome.

A memory is what we decide to remember from an experience – and what we decide to delete and forget.

Intuition is the instant hunch we get after we’ve repeatedly created memories from experiences; the moment we don’t need the conscious memory anymore.

A small (or unrepresentative) sample size leads to inaccurate intuition.

If I’m betrayed three times in my life and have created strong memories around that, my intuition whenever meeting anyone else may be that they’ll betray me too. Three bad experiences have shaped, and skewed, my relationship to billions of others.

How to develop accurate intuition?

The more memories we create, the bigger the “sample size” for our intuition to emerge from, and the smaller the weight of “outlier events” (like being betrayed).

The more deliberately we create these memories, the more deliberately we hone intuition.

Create more memories. And create them deliberately.

You feel bad because you don’t write.

And when you write, you feel bad because you’re scared of the inevitable day you stop writing.

That’s how you create a self-improvement prison.

And that prison has only one way out.

Intend to do what’s good for you.

Then realize that even if you don’t live up to that standard all the time, you’re still worthy of self-love and self-trust.

Focus on intention, not outcome.

Focus on cultivating elastic discipline rather than on becoming a habit hardliner.

Focus on the general direction of your life, not a day-by-day judgment of your every action.

Maintain a majority vote for who you want to be.

Realize you’re not going to be perfect today – and being perfect isn’t the goal anyway.