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    #159 What unintentional living looks like

    Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

    1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
    2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
    3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
    4. Habits shape your identity.

    “Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

    Intentional living and identity building look like this:

    1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
    2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
    3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
    4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

    “While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

    You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.

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    #68 The sitcom comparison

    Watching a sitcom or soap opera episode takes 20 minutes – and somehow, we always seem to find time for it.

    Doing some stretches or a quick workout can take as little as 15 minutes – yet somehow, it’s very hard to find time for it.

    Many good habits take take less time than watching a sitcom – and during and after, they’re often quite enjoyable. But our mind makes it so hard to start.

    Whenever something that’s good for you feels insurmountable and your mind starts playing tricks on you, put it into perspective.

    Doing this thing will take less time than watching a sitcom.

    Maybe I could even do it while watching the sitcom.

    And doing it will be a vote for the person I want to become.

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    #56 Action, traction, distraction

    At any given time in your day, if you’re doing what you set out to do, whether it’s work, play, going for a walk, or taking a nap, you’re gaining traction. In other words, you’re taking action and are moving towards a goal you set… and you’re becoming more of the person you want to be.

    If you’re not doing what you set out to do, you’re getting distracted. You’re taking action and are moving away from the goal you set… and you’re becoming less of the person you want to be.

    Traction, distraction… it’s all action. The only difference: are your actions deliberate, and have you intentionally chosen who you want to be (and which actions align with that identity)?

    I can consciously set out, in advance to write for two hours a day, because I want to be a writer. Then, if I end up actually writing during those two hours, I’m gaining traction towards that goal and the person I want to be: a writer.

    I can also consciously set out, in advance, to watch a Netflix series afterward as a reward for my hard labor, because I want to be someone who also allows downtime and relaxation in my day.

    And if during that time I set out to watch that series, I actually watch the series, guess what: I’m gaining traction towards that goal and identity too! (BUT following this logic, if during the time I set aside for Netflix, I decide to keep writing, strangely enough, the writing has now become the distraction. This is how you become a workaholic.)

    If I set out to meet with friends, or have a romantic date night because I want to be someone who values friendships and relationships, and I follow through… yep, now I’m gaining traction in that domain too.

    The same goes for anything else I consciously decide to do on any given day.

    Choose for traction and let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

  • #394 Remind yourself of the future

    There is no way to predict the future.

    But thinking about where you would like to be in the future can help you make better decisions today.

    Want to be a writer in the future? Better write today.

    Want to run a marathon? Better run today (or eat better, or rest, or stretch…)

    Remind yourself of the future, not for the sake of precise predictions, but for the sake of the present.

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