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    #270 How to gain trust, acceptance, and comfort

    It’s hard not to trust someone who fully trusts themselves.

    But it’s hard not to accept someone who fully accepts themselves.

    It’s hard not to be at ease around someone fully at ease with themselves.

    In other words: if you want others to trust, accept, and be at ease with you, first learn to trust, accept, and be at ease with yourself.

    You don’t need anyone else for that – just some tiny daily actions that prove that trust, acceptance, and comfort to yourself.

    Oh, and you could start with that today.

    You don’t have to.

    But you could. And if you could, why wouldn’t you?

  • #20 I’ve never tried that before, so…

    In the series of unlikely life advice: a quote ascribed to Astrid Lindgren’s legendary character Pippi Longstocking.

    I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.

    https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6773397-i-have-never-tried-that-before-so-i-think-i

    Only after reading this quote I realized how often we all hold the opposite belief: I have never tried that before, so I think I am not (and will never be) able to do that.

    What a sad and disempowering belief.

    Which begs the question…

    Where are you disqualifying yourself before even trying it out first?

    What would life be like if your default belief is that things you haven’t tried before are possible for you?

    How would that change your decisions?

    How much fear and frustration would you leave behind?

    Might be worth journaling about.

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    #248 Finding Growth in Frowns

    Frowns carry questions. Puzzles. Uncertainty on the edge of understanding.

    “I don’t understand – yet.”

    Sometimes they also carry dismissal.

    “I don’t agree – why?”

    Most of all, frowns symbolize a struggle, a moment of dissonance between what we know and what we encounter.

    Balancing on the edge of comprehension or dismissively pushing away the unfamiliar…

    This is where insights are born.

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    #24 Put your actions where your mouth is

    Here’s a useful insight from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits:

    Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

    https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/june-4-2020

    Writing every day reaffirms my “I’m a writer” identity.

    Sitting on the couch every day reaffirms my “I’m a couch potato” identity.

    As a consequence: when you change your actions and your identity starts shifting to align with those actions.

    And that’s how we get out of a rut.

    (The opposite isn’t always true: changing your thoughts without changing your actions will rarely shift your identity. I can think of being a writer as much as I want, if I never put any words on paper, I’m not a writer. That’s one of the principle of cognitive dissonance: Actions overrule Thoughts.)

    Here’s how to change your actions and your identity:

    1. First, you decide who you want to be (and what your new identity looks like).
      “I want to be a yogi: someone who regularly practices yoga and takes care of his mind and body.”
    2. Second you get clear on what that would look like in your daily life: which actions you’ll take that are different from the ones you’re taking right now.
      “Instead of watching TV before, my “yogi identity” would do a daily yoga session.
    3. Third, you gain enough leverage over yourself to go against your current habits, and take those different action for a prolonged period of time.
      This is where most resistance comes up, because my old “couch potato identity” is fighting my “yogi” identity — and through my past actions, the couch potato has received WAY more votes than the yogi.
      So you need perseverance at this stage. Remember, every time you take those new actions, you’re voting for your new identity and new habits are taking roots.
    4. At some point, you reach a tipping point productivity experts call “habit escape velocity“: you now have so much momentum that you’re out of the sphere of influence of your old habits, and your new habits (and new identity) can take root.

    Which begs the question…

    Where are you saying you want to be a certain way, but you’re voting for something else through your daily actions?

    Lukas Van Vyve

    Put your money (or your actions) where your mouth is.

  • #36 Life isn’t better when you’re a bad forgetter

    Perfect recall is paralyzing.

    Not everything is worth remembering.

    And life isn’t better when you’re a bad forgetter.

    Maybe life becomes easier to navigate if we remember the fact that we’ll always make mistakes – and the lessons we learn from them – yet forget (forgive) the specific slip-ups we and others make.

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