#15 Being intentional about the questions you ask yourself

ByLukas
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What you focus on right now, in the present moment, strongly affects your state. Focus on problems, you start worrying. Focus on a pleasant prospect, you start dreaming.

To manage state by directing focus, you must be intentional about the type of questions you ask to evaluate your experiences in life because whatever questions you ask yourself (and you DO ask yourself evaluating questions all the time, consciously or subconsciously), your brain is constantly coming up with answers for these questions.

The answers can be accurate or not; that doesn’t matter to your brain. It’ll justify and find answers, reasons, and connections for anything you ask… and through those answers, give meaning to anything that happens to you (and interpret it as painful or pleasurable).

How to be intentional about the questions you ask yourself:

  1. Eliminate limiting, “endless loop questions” that contain self-defeating presuppositions (like “Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always late? Why do I always give up? Why do I always hurt the people around me?). They’re dangerous because they force your mind to come up with answers: fake or real reasons that justify and perpetuate unhealthy behavior.
  2. Ask yourself empowering questions that challenge your mind to come up with empowering solutions, justifications, reasons:
    1. Empowering presuppositions: Why do I always arrive in time? Why do I always stick to the goals I set for myself? Why am I always kind to myself and others around me?
    2. Questions like “How can I be as helpful as possible? How can I make sure this is going to be a fulfilling, amazing day?”
    3. Questions like “What would the version of me I want to be do or say in this situation?”

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    #56 Action, traction, distraction

    ByLukas

    At any given time in your day, if you’re doing what you set out to do, whether it’s work, play, going for a walk, or taking a nap, you’re gaining traction. In other words, you’re taking action and are moving towards a goal you set… and you’re becoming more of the person you want to be.

    If you’re not doing what you set out to do, you’re getting distracted. You’re taking action and are moving away from the goal you set… and you’re becoming less of the person you want to be.

    Traction, distraction… it’s all action. The only difference: are your actions deliberate, and have you intentionally chosen who you want to be (and which actions align with that identity)?

    I can consciously set out, in advance to write for two hours a day, because I want to be a writer. Then, if I end up actually writing during those two hours, I’m gaining traction towards that goal and the person I want to be: a writer.

    I can also consciously set out, in advance, to watch a Netflix series afterward as a reward for my hard labor, because I want to be someone who also allows downtime and relaxation in my day.

    And if during that time I set out to watch that series, I actually watch the series, guess what: I’m gaining traction towards that goal and identity too! (BUT following this logic, if during the time I set aside for Netflix, I decide to keep writing, strangely enough, the writing has now become the distraction. This is how you become a workaholic.)

    If I set out to meet with friends, or have a romantic date night because I want to be someone who values friendships and relationships, and I follow through… yep, now I’m gaining traction in that domain too.

    The same goes for anything else I consciously decide to do on any given day.

    Choose for traction and let your actions be a vote for who you want to be.

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    #51 Reversing the causal arrow

    ByLukas

    Who is the person who has already done (or is already doing) what you want to do?

    What does their life look like?

    Where are they?

    What do they say, think feel?

    What do they focus on?

    Who did they have to become?

    What would life be like if YOU have already done (or are already doing) what you want to do?

    It’s hard to achieve change if you’re stuck in your current identity (where you haven’t achieved that change yet).

    Using your imagination to reverse the causal arrow can help you get out of that rut.

    First imagine what it feels like to have already achieved (or to be already doing) something.

    Then choose your present actions according to that feeling and identity.

    Let every action you take help you become more of who you want to be.

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    #84 Long-term Side Effects of Procrastinating

    ByLukas

    I can choose to procrastinate on a project for weeks – then finish it all in one go, right before the deadline.

    In absolute terms, I might have been very efficient with my time – but the time I saved, I spent frustrated with myself.

    The long-term effect on my self-image: I’m a procrastinator.

    What if I work a little bit on a project every single day – and have it finished well before the deadline?

    I might spend more time in total – but every day, every moment spent makes me feel good about myself.

    The long-term effect on my self-image: I cultivate an identity of discipline and consistency. I do what I believe to be good for me. I build character. Taking small daily actions towards a goal becomes part of my identity.

    What’s more: I avoid the frustration and resentment that comes with procrastination (=not doing what I know I should be doing), and feel good about myself instead.

    Long-term, the benefits of small daily actions always outweigh huge last-minute efforts.

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