If you truly want to build a habit, you shouldn’t be able to hide behind excuses or vague commitments.
Which means the habit needs to be transparent.
Did you write one sentence today?
Did you learn one word in your target language today?
Did you run one mile today?
Some find transparency empowering.
Some think it’s scary.
But everyone who has built a habit knows this is the way.
You can be an aspiring writer without writing.
You can be a former writer without writing.
But you can only call yourself a writer today when you have proof that you’re currently writing.
You don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
But you do have a say in how you spend today.
And when you go to bed, and tomorrow becomes today, you’ll have a say in that day too.
And when you spend every today doing what’s important, maybe you don’t even need to know what the future holds.
Today is your lucky day, my friend.
Or at least, it could be, depending on how you interpret what will happen.
Today is your worst day ever, my friend.
Or at least, it could be, depending on how you interpret what will happen.
The choice is yours. It has always been.
P.S. I don’t know about you, but weirdly enough, being able to decide over your luck didn’t feel like a relief to me at first.
That’s a good topic for another day…
Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.
But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.
Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.
When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.
And so the pressure mounts.
Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.
Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.
Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.
—
To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).
Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.
Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.
Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.
—
Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.
Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.
Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.
Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.
First, you practice doing the process every day – because if you don’t do the process consistently, you’ll never move towards an outcome in the first place. Tiny Trust Builders always come first.
Then, you practice becoming good at the process – because the better you are at the process, the more likely you’ll reach an outcome.
But, unfortunately, even if you become excellent at the process, you still won’t be able to predict an exact outcome.
Outcomes are fickle.
Even progress is fickle.
But the process is predictable.
And who knows, maybe the process IS the outcome.
We all have the ability to decide what’s good for us when we take the time to reflect on it.
But we also overestimate our ability to decide what’s good for us in the moment.
Which means that we all need to be saved from ourselves.
How?
By deciding in advance.
I’m going to write, because I decided in advance that that’s good for me – even if in the moment, I’d rather do something else.
I’m going to eat those vegetables, because I decided in advance that that’s good for me – even if in the moment, I’d rather eat those fries.
