#242 The accomplishments that slipped away

I can say I want to run a marathon, write a book, or have a successful career – which doesn’t mean I’ll actually end up running a marathon, writing a book, or having a successful career.

But if I’m serious about it, it does mean I’ll take daily steps towards that goal – daily actions that will change my identity.

Can I live with the present-day implications of my uncertain future visions?

If I don’t know yet if I’ll ever write the book – will these daily actions still be fulfilling to me?

Will they make me happier?

Will I be happy with the person I become by taking such daily actions?

Do these daily actions contribute to a fulfilling emotional, mental, physical, and social life?

If not, am I willing to make emotional, mental, physical, or social sacrifices?

This is a choice everyone makes for themselves.

But I don’t want to make my present day miserable for an uncertain vision of the future I don’t even know will happen.

Most people don’t really want the freedom to do anything they want, in other words, a life without constraints.

They want the freedom to set their own constraints.

To decide, “I want to spend my time writing,” instead of saying, “I am supposed to become a lawyer because that’s what we do in this family.”

To decide, “I don’t drink alcohol,” instead of saying, “My social circle forces me to have a glass when I’m out.”

To decide, “I want to live in that house, drive that car, and go on that exotic holiday, and I’m going to make it happen,” instead of saying, “I’m constrained by my talent, potential, current job, or where I grew up.”

To decide, “I have time to learn a new language because it’s important to me,” instead of saying, “I’m too busy, I can’t (or don’t deserve to) do anything nice for myself.”

Good or bad, beneficial or misguided, constraints are always there.

Because life constantly forces you to make decisions, and every decision leads to a new constraint.

Since it’s challenging to be aware of your decisions and their long-term constraining effects, which constraints do you consider important enough to set consciously (and spend considerable time and effort doing so)?

Where do you allow others to dictate the constraints you live within?

Who do you allow to dictate the constraints you live within?

Pick your freedom battles.

You don’t have to become a writer. But you could. Even if you don’t believe it yet.

And if knowing that you could makes you restless…

If the fact that it’s possible makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up…

If a persistent “What if” keeps echoing through your mind…

Then maybe you should become a writer.

Similarly, you don’t have to be passionate about anything. But you could.

And if you could… what would you be passionate about?

Getting worked up about traffic jams is not pleasant, but it’s predictable. And addictive.

So is giving up on writing a book, quitting a workout regime, and re-living any conflict or failure.

Not pleasant. But predictable.

This is how you’ve always felt. And this is how you’ll always feel – unless you become aware of the unpleasant, predictable, addictive patterns and decide to act differently.

Not only once, not twice, but every time you become aware of the pattern until you’ve built enough self-trust that you know the unpleasant predictable events aren’t inevitable.