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    #94 Restoring Faith in the Malleable Mind

    It only takes one new habit to restore faith in the malleable mind.

    “I’ve never been good at languages. Until I learned my first foreign language. If I can do that… what else is possible?”

    “I’ve never been good at public speaking. Until I gave my first speech, and then my second, and then my twentieth. If I can do that… What else is possible?”

    I always give up on projects before I bring them to completion. Until I completed one project. Then another. Then another. If I can do that… What else is possible?

    If something I thought I could never do becomes possible, cracks start to appear in my limiting beliefs.

    It’s not just about the habits. It’s about the belief that you can change your habits, trust in your ability to complete projects and stick to your routine.

    And the only way to build that is through taking small daily actions that are votes for who you want to be (and what you want to achieve).

    Again: it only takes one new daily action to start restoring your belief in the malleable mind.

    Start with one. Then discover what else is possible.

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    #65 The Secret to Sticking to Your Habits

    I don’t wake up every day in love with the prospect of writing a blog post.

    But I do love that part of my identity is that I publish something every day.

    By not publishing, I would lose that part of my identity and end up frustrated because I gave up something I enjoy. And that’s painful.

    So I write.

    The secret to sticking to your habits: make the pain of quitting bigger than the pain of getting over the resistance against doing what you know is good for you.

    Because the pain of discipline is always easier to bear than the pain of regret.

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    #29 The myth of self-sabotage

    All behavior is inspired by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure – and since you usually act on what your brain perceives as the most intense of the two.

    So if you think you desire something, but then “sabotage” yourself so you never get what you desire, that means you have mixed feelings about desire (and thus inner conflict): deep down, you feel that desire will give you more pain than pleasure.

    In other words, it’s not self-sabotage: it’s your brain protecting you from pain it perceives as stronger than the pleasure you might get from reaching your goal.

    Maybe you desire more money, but deep down, you feel money will corrupt you, or make you lose friends, make you feel guilty, or make you lose your drive.

    Maybe you have a desire to write or create, but you feel the pain of judgment or rejection is stronger than the pleasure of creating.

    Maybe you want to get in shape, but deep down, you feel you’ll give up anyway before reaching any meaningful results, so you’d rather save yourself the pain of future disappointment (a classic self-trust problem).

    Maybe you notice a certain destructive pattern in your relationships, but you believe going to therapy and “opening up that can of worms” will be even worse than perpetuating the current situation.

    If you keep sabotaging yourself, it might be worth to ask yourself the question: what pain am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? In my imagination, what’s going to happen when I reach my goal; both positive AND negative?

    Or even better than just asking: journal about it.

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