#206 How to always bounce back

Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.

But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.

Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.

When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.

And so the pressure mounts.

Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.

Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.

Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.

—

To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).

Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.

Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.

Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.

—

Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.

Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.

Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.

Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.

The other day, I talked about changing your focus to change how you feel about the events in your day.

But something strange happened when I first had that realization.

It didn’t feel like a relief.

Do I even want that responsibility? To choose how events affect me?

After all, that would take away my right to complain about how poorly life treats me.
I couldn’t ascribe any successes or achievements to “sheer luck” anymore.
And wouldn’t it be silly to say I don’t deserve happiness, luck, or anything good if I knew I could change my focus and be lucky this very moment?

What a burden.

I’m still deciding if I am strong enough to carry it.

But one thing’s for sure: the days I have the presence of mind to direct my focus are the days I feel best.

I wonder if it’d be like that for you, too.

Maybe you could try it out? Even if it’s to indulge me.

See how it feels.

And let me know how it goes. I’m curious about you.