#192 Your desired identity

Shadow writer – someone who holds a secret desire, maybe even an irresistible urge to write but is afraid of being criticized – so their words never even make it on the page.

Shadow runner – someone who’d love to run a marathon but doesn’t believe they could train consistently enough to make it happen – so their legs never even take them on a single run.

Shadow singer – someone who loves singing but believes nobody will like their voice anyway – so their song never even reaches past the shower cabin.

Shadow entrepreneur – someone who has a big life-changing vision, but keeps it hidden out of fear of being ridiculed, dismissed, or ignored – so their ideas never even make it out of hiding.

Where are you staying in the shadow of your own self-denial?

Which daily Tiny Trust Builders could help you to step out of that shadow – and do what you always wanted to do?

It’s time.

(If this resonates, you might want to read The Artist’s Way)

How likely is the scenario you’re worrying about?
And how impactful or life-threatening is that scenario?
Now, how much mental bandwidth is worrying about it taking up?
Are your worries proportionate to the actual danger?
Should you be worrying at all?
If not, could you stop right away?

Of course, you and I both know that’s not always how it works, my friend.

Because even if we know rationally that we shouldn’t worry, the worrier mind tends to scoff at answering rational questions.

Yet today, I had an insight: maybe those questions aren’t meant to dismiss the worrier mind at all but empower the sane mind, temporarily suppressed and overpowered?

Maybe they can provide enough encouragement to make the sane mind stand up for itself again and say, “Enough is enough.”

Maybe that way, the sane mind will put the worrier mind back in its place, reminding it of the only task where it truly shines: protect us from life-threatening risks.

Or maybe not. I don’t know, my friend. You’ve seen me: I’m just another human with good days and bad—productive days and lazy. Days of irrational fears and worry, and days of relaxing, dreaming, and visioning.

But this I do know: worrying too much has never improved my mood, and I doubt it has ever improved yours.

So if you’ve had an overactive worrier mind lately, trying won’t hurt.

Let me know how it goes.

Unintentional living and identity building look like this:

1. Actions are inspired by pain and pleasure.
2. Repeated pain and pleasure lead to repeated actions.
3. Repeated actions lead to habits.
4. Habits shape your identity.

“Life made me who I am, and I can’t do anything about it.”

Intentional living and identity building look like this:

1. Who do I want to be? What’s my desired identity?
2. Which habits that would turn me into that person do I not have in place right now?
3. Which repeated actions that would build that habit am I not currently taking?
4. Which reactions to pain and pleasure triggers in my life can I change? Which pain and pleasure triggers can I ban out of my life completely?

“While the past has shaped me, the way I choose to live my life today, tomorrow, and every day after, will determine who I am.”

You’re living anyway. Your actions are votes for an identity anyway. So you might as well do it intentionally.