I can worry a thousand times until my worries come true.
I can envision my dreams a thousand times until my dreams come true.
Not because of the act of worrying or the dreaming itself.
But because my worries or dreams will incite different present actions taking me down different paths.
Whatever future I focus on a thousand times, I’ll be drawn towards.
Choose wisely.
Learning a foreign language is both a frustrating and liberating experience.
We can focus on the frustration of not understanding the words the way we understand our mother tongue. Or we can realize that without the words, we are free to fall back on other ways of capturing and understanding meaning.
A crying baby can be soothed by words it does not yet understand, because she senses what’s behind the sounds, lets the meaningless melody cradle her to sleep…
Similarly, we don’t always have to know what’s behind the words, as long as we make an effort to understand the meaning behind the sounds.
Hearing a foreign language brings us back to that wordless world the way we experienced it as a newborn, before we tried so hard to put everything within and around us into language.
It makes us remember, there’s more to life than our words will ever allow us to express. And somehow, that’s a soothing thought.
The most important habit milestone is the center of gravity shift.
Initially, when you start building a new skill, your center of gravity lies with your old identity. You’re constantly fighting the pull of your old identity. And if you’d stop for even a day, you’ll get pulled right back into your old habits.
“If I don’t write today, what does that say about me? I’ve always given up in the past, and with this habit, it’ll be the same.”
The center of gravity shift happens when you’re about to miss a day and realize:
“It doesn’t matter, tomorrow I’ll start again anyway.”
When you’ve cast so many votes for your “identity of perseverance” you know that missing one day doesn’t equal giving up anymore.
When not writing for a day has become the exception, and when it happens, I get pulled right back into my writing habit.
Before the shift happens, when you’re still building self-trust, discipline is key.
But after your center of gravity has shifted to align with what you want to do anyway… you’re free.
Here’s a useful insight from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits:
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/june-4-2020
Writing every day reaffirms my “I’m a writer” identity.
Sitting on the couch every day reaffirms my “I’m a couch potato” identity.
As a consequence: when you change your actions and your identity starts shifting to align with those actions.
And that’s how we get out of a rut.
(The opposite isn’t always true: changing your thoughts without changing your actions will rarely shift your identity. I can think of being a writer as much as I want, if I never put any words on paper, I’m not a writer. That’s one of the principle of cognitive dissonance: Actions overrule Thoughts.)
Here’s how to change your actions and your identity:
Which begs the question…
Where are you saying you want to be a certain way, but you’re voting for something else through your daily actions?
Lukas Van Vyve
Put your money (or your actions) where your mouth is.
Living a balanced life doesn’t mean living average experiences.
It’s more like a barbell, or a seesaw, where you go all in on complementary actions.
Work hard, rest hard.
Write with total focus, then fully let go when you’ve hit your word target.
Work out with full intensity, then let your body fully recover.
So when you’re out of balance, the solution is not to come closer to the middle.
Instead, you start doing less of what you’re already doing or add more of the polar opposite of what you’re already doing.
Figure out your polar opposite pairs, and give them both the attention they deserve. That’s how you dance the barbell balance of life.
Nobody says you must write for the rest of your life – but you could.
Nobody says you must do one job forever – but you could.
Nobody says you must live in one place forever – but you could.
You could. But you don’t have to. Unless you want to. Then you should.
I can’t do it the way I want it yet.
Which is exactly why I’m doing it.
