#350 Don’t wait for the storm to pass

When technology and AI outpace us and we can’t be the best, smartest, fastest, strongest on the planet anymore – will we still care about our economic output?

When results have become irrelevant, what are the things I will still want to do?

Maybe we’ll rediscover value in our actions themselves and the pleasure and pain they make us feel – happy, sad, useful, worthless, brimming with purpose, overflowing with self-hatred…?

Will I still write just because I enjoy writing, even if AI could write a better-researched, more insightful book than I ever could?

Will I still learn a language just because learning a language makes me feel good, even if I could use an instant translation device to talk to anyone in the world?

Will I still spend my days in an office cubicle if that’s a painful prospect?

An era of soul-searching is coming.

I’ve tirelessly written at least 300 journal entries on the same topic in the belief that in the 301st, I’ll strike gold and find the exact words I’m looking for.

And it took me a while to accept that that’s an illusion.

Maybe every attempt is really just the same struggle to find the right words for ideas, thoughts, insights that were never meant to be captured into words in the first place?

And yet I bend, I twist, I turn, I squirm,
I write, re-write
and never am I satisfied.

I get closer, or so I think
And then the next day, I jump back in
and instantly sink.

I need answers…
Even though deep down I know,
the only certainty is that I’ll never get them.

Yet, I have to try.

Because while every day of writing is a struggle, the true value lies in the daily struggle of writing.

Although it might look like I’m not making progress, writing and creativity is just not a linear process.

In reality, as long as a I write every day, I’m focusing my mind on what I’m trying to say. I’m sculpting away, and someway, somehow the essence will emerge from my 300 journal entries and reveal itself.

How? I don’t know.

When? I don’t know.

Probably not while I’m writing (read why here)… even though the writing is what makes it possible.

Anyway.

Now I know day 1, 11, 50, 299, 300, 301, 3001 are all equally important…
I’m finally ready to accept the struggle
and write in peace.