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  • #209 Self-improvement gap and a pressure trap

    Wanting to improve certain areas in your life is powerful.

    But that improvement gap comes with a pressure trap.

    Because if you believe you’re in control of your actions, the moments you accidentally fall back into old patterns become extra frustrating.

    When your self-worth becomes attached to your behavior, every action becomes a judgment of character.

    And so the pressure mounts.


    Missing one workout means you’re not worthy of running a marathon.

    Missing one day of writing means you’ll never be a writer.

    Making one communication mistake, making someone angry, means you’re a terrible person.

    To make that pressure bearable, build self-trust (for example, through Tiny Trust Builders).

    Trust that you can run a marathon, even if you miss a workout.

    Trust that you can be a writer, even if you miss one day of writing.

    Trust that you can be a good person, even if you’ve made mistakes or upset some people.

    Notice the improvement gap between where you are and where you want to go.

    Let the majority of your actions be a vote for the person you want to be.

    Focus on elastic discipline, not hardliner habits.

    Do all that, and you’ll feel more fulfilled and free.

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    #94 Restoring Faith in the Malleable Mind

    It only takes one new habit to restore faith in the malleable mind.

    “I’ve never been good at languages. Until I learned my first foreign language. If I can do that… what else is possible?”

    “I’ve never been good at public speaking. Until I gave my first speech, and then my second, and then my twentieth. If I can do that… What else is possible?”

    I always give up on projects before I bring them to completion. Until I completed one project. Then another. Then another. If I can do that… What else is possible?

    If something I thought I could never do becomes possible, cracks start to appear in my limiting beliefs.

    It’s not just about the habits. It’s about the belief that you can change your habits, trust in your ability to complete projects and stick to your routine.

    And the only way to build that is through taking small daily actions that are votes for who you want to be (and what you want to achieve).

    Again: it only takes one new daily action to start restoring your belief in the malleable mind.

    Start with one. Then discover what else is possible.

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    #60 Memory is context

    Memory is context – in language and in general.

    Context of words surrounded by other words and sounds within a sentence.

    • apple orchard

    Context of words surrounded by actions – actor, action, object affected (in whatever way or order your mother tongue expresses it).

    • I pick an apple from the tree.

    Context of words and the images they spur.

    • An apple falls on Newton’ head.
    • An apple falls off a tree in my grandparents’ garden.
    • I bite into a green apple – a bit sour. I don’t like it.
    • The first time I combine an apple part with peanut butter. Delicious.

    Context of words and the feelings they evoke.

    • I’m thirsty and hungry after a volleyball game. The first bite of an apple – what a relief.
    • My grandpa cuts an apple and gives me a part. Safety. Home.
    • I eat 2 apples and my mouth starts itching. Allergy? Fear.

    When learning another language, you can link words to the context of your mother tongue.

    But to truly understand them, you’ll have to create a new context too.

    For example, an apple in Spanish: una manzana.

    Seemingly the same object, now perceived through new sounds.

    • huerto de manzanas (apple orchard)

    New actions.

    • Yo limpio una manzana. (I wash/clean an apple.)

    New images.

    • I see una manzana in a Mexican supermarket. Someone is polishing it with wax to make it extra shiny. The first time I saw was in Mexico. So I didn’t see the guy polishing an apple. Vi a un hombre encerando una manzana. (I saw a guy putting wax on an apple.)

    New feelings.

    • Compré una manzana (I bought an apple) and ate it without washing it well. My stomach wasn’t happy with my actions.

    Keeping all that in mind, are we really still talking about the same object? Is the Spanish manzana encerada that made me sick in Spanish the same as the apple my grandpa helped me pick? If it is, do I now have a richer perception of that object that once up on a time, I could only interact with through the limits of one language?

    Learning vocabulary lists with isolated words will never get you fluent in a foreign language.

    If you don’t build a new context of sounds, actions, images, feelings, you’ll always keep imposing your mother tongue on the foreign language.

    That’s why you can’t just learn a foreign language. You have to live it.

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